For the past six years, we have been in a long-distance relationship. When we first began, we all lived in Nigeria but in different states. I visited him whenever I got the chance. He also visited me whenever he could. However, I had to relocate to Benin Republic when we were a little over a year into the relationship. We were already in a long-distance relationship so I knew that my move to our neighbouring country wouldn’t change much between us. I still called him regularly.
I told him about my new life here. The friends I was making, and the places I had discovered. He didn’t live in Benin but he saw every bit of my neighbourhood through my eyes. All thanks to our constant gisting. He told me everything he was up to as well.
I felt very close to him even though I was far away. We were doing so well. That’s why I was confused when he got up one day and told me, “I am sorry but this relationship is no longer working for me.” I asked why and he said, “You are too far away from me. It hurts every time I want to see you. If you were close I would just come to you, but you are in another country. I love you too much to keep torturing myself like this.” I asked if he was truly leaving me.
He said yes. I had no option but to move on. After the break up we still kept in touch. He was the one who mostly called me. He would call to check up on me and then casually ask, “So what’s up? Are you seeing someone else? Have you found a replacement for me?” Each time he asked, I answered no so he stopped at a point. A few months passed before he came to ask the question again.
This time around I had a different answer. As soon as he asked I said, “Yes, I met someone. I have moved so you too move on and stop worrying me.” He got upset and said he would call me back. I realized that our chats from that time became cold. I had no idea what his problem was so I didn’t mind him. One day he asked me if I was intimately involved with the guy. I answered, “Of course, he is my boyfriend. Besides, he is a very sweet guy. He makes me feel loved and cared for.”
My response made him so angry. Why is my ex’s guy’s feelings acting up all of a sudden? I wondered. He kept picking fights with me until I asked one day, “ What at all is your problem?” He said I cheated. According to him, he couldn’t move on from me but I was quick to go for another man.
I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong but I felt bad. I even apologized for moving on. I went to break up with my new man and got back together with this ex of mine. Everything between us went back to the way it was. Even the distance still stood between us. How will we survive it this time around? As time passed, he asked me to visit him at Enugu. I couldn’t make it.
I had work to do. That aside, I had to make sure I had enough money for the trip. It was in December so he was quite disappointed that we wouldn’t spend the Christmas holidays together. I couldn’t visit him until another year passed. Last December he told me, if you can’t come and see me this year then let’s break up. I wasn’t ready to visit him but I didn’t want to lose him either. I pleaded with him that we should wait till February or his birthday in March. He didn’t respond to my message.
First week in March I told him I was coming. He said he didn’t believe me. I went anyway. When he saw me all his displeasure vanished. We had a beautiful time together. I was so happy that one night I told him I wanted to get pregnant. At first, he said no. Later, he agreed that we should have shuperu without protection. I asked what changed and he said, “I want us to be bound together even if we don’t end up together. “In case you marry someone else, I will never forget you if we have a child together.”
He further explained. I was a bit confused. I asked him to explain what he meant but all he said was that he loved me too much for a long-distance relationship. So I have been in a relationship with myself all this while? We fought and broke up again. He still won’t leave me alone. He insists on calling to check up on me. I still live in Benin because of work, while he also lives in Nigeria. Even if we get back together, our living arrangements are not bound to change. As far as he is concerned, we can’t move forward with the relationship until I move. I am also not ready to give up my job and move. We are stuck. What do I do?
