I started working for this pastor when I was young. The church was young too. He wasn’t married then. I became like his personal assistant. I’ll run errands, prepare the room for service and do other things he required me to do. The pastor got an opportunity to travel abroad for a year, and by the time he came back, the church had scattered. The people he left in charge had squandered the church money, sold some of the properties and members too have left.
I was the only member standing. He called on me and we started rebuilding again. He came with money and sponsorship so things were easier then. Just when the church was getting on its feet, my elder brother came for me to Nigeria to work with him. He tried to stop me from going but I felt I needed more in life than just being a pastor’s errand boy. I spent five years in Nigeria. The dream my elder brother sold to me withered beyond recognition.
We spent years watering it but it didn’t work. We were hungry and desperate. I picked up my things and came back to Ghana. There was nothing for me to do. A lot has changed. Many things have outgrown me. I walked around unrecognized and still hungry.
I went back to the church, back to the pastor and he was excited to have me. I didn’t recognize the church I left behind. They’d moved to a permanent place, pastor had cars and was married with two children. Everything looked new except my life. It was as old as the years I wasted in Nigeria. The pastor made me his driver. I take care of domestic stuff while his first driver takes care of business stuff. I’m the one they call when madam has to go to the market, hospital or do personal runs.
I have to be in the house almost every day. I leave only when it’s late in the night when madam is convinced there’s nothing more to do. I’ve become closer to the pastor’s wife than I am to the pastor. Now this is where the problem starts. Madam talked about everything with me and it felt OK until she started talking about the issues of her marriage.
The first topic she talked about was infidelity. “Pastor is sleeping with some of the ladies in the church. I know you’re aware but you won’t tell me. It’s OK but do you think it’s right for a husband to sleep in a separate room?” I was caught off-guard. What I’ve learned in life is to keep quiet and listen more. You only talk when your words can contribute positively to what’s being discussed. I expressed shock but said nothing.
From what she was saying, she was looking to buy my loyalty so I promised it to her: “Once I see anything concrete, I’ll let you in.” I’ve known Pastor when he was nothing. All he did was pray. I don’t know so much about him when he got rich but I don’t think he will do what madam was saying.
I didn’t take what she said to heart until Madam started being nice and giving. I would drive her to a shop and the first thing she would buy would be mine. She bought me clothes my salary couldn’t afford. She bought me shoes I’d wanted to sell for the money. She treats me like I’m a friend instead of her employee. When we take the kids out, she sits next to me and buys me whatever she drinks. Pastor is never present but I am.
Due to her openness with me and the good things she does in my life, I’ve come to love her. I’m talking about romantic love. I look at her and wish she were mine. When she complains to me with hurts in her voice, I want to become the balm that soothes the hurts. Because of her and the things she tells me, I’ve come to see Pastor in a bad light. She tripped on her heel and held my shoulder.
I leaned into her and didn’t let go. She said, “Pastor would have let me down but see what you did.” When my work came to an end that day, she gave me money and told me to buy drugs for my old boy. I’d told her about it. She even gave me days off. While off, I was thinking about her. I dreamt of sharing her bed in the night when Pastor was away. I dreamt of being her peace when Pastor was giving her troubles.
On Sunday when Pastor preached about love, I asked, “Where’s the love when it comes to his marriage?” In my dream, I’m the good guy who enters the fortress to save the princess. I’m that guy who gives the kind of happy ending madam dreams of.
I came back to work to try my luck. “Maybe she’s doing all that for me because she’s in love with me too.” I asked her leading questions, like, “Madam, so considering everything you say Pastor is doing, if you get someone on the side, will you also do it?” She laughed. She didn’t say yes and she didn’t say no. She said she needed special strength from God to be able to stay away.
That day, I was this close to telling her how I felt about her but I didn’t. Instead, I kept my silence until I closed from work. She no longer sits at the back of the car when we go out. She touches me casually and more easily than before. We discuss relationship issues more often than before. Everything says, “Tell her. She’ll say yes.” But then again, I don’t want to betray Pastor.
He’s the reason I still have my life together after returning from Nigeria. He doesn’t ask much from me. He pays me on time. He gives me gifts too. He sends money to my parents. I owe him equal loyalty. I’ll therefore behave myself and do my job. When the temptation gets out of hand, I’ll plead with Pastor to change my position. I pray when that time comes, he won’t ask questions.
