I met her in a store where she was an attendant and fell in love with her eyes, the way she spoke to me and how soft-looking she was. Because of her, I went to the store every day to look for something new to fall in love with. With time, she came to know my face, and then my name and then my number. She told me, “I close at 10 p.m. That’s too late to see someone.” At 10 p.m that night, I stood by the shop waiting for her to close. When she saw me she smiled.
Her eyes glowed shyly. She said, “I hope you’re not waiting for me?” I answered, “What would I be doing here if it’s not you I’m waiting for?” She knew from that day that I had love for her. If she didn’t know, I made it obvious by the way I tried to touch her at any given opportunity. It didn’t end that night after seeing her off. Every night I went to wait for her. I did that consistently for about two weeks before she agreed to go on a date with me on her off day. I proposed and she said yes.
Her dream was to go back to school. I promised I would help her go back to school when we marry. She wanted to work in HR. I said, “I will build a business someday and you’ll be the owner and the HR at the same time.” I wasn’t bragging. Maybe I was building castles in the air but they were castles all the same. I had dreams for her, dreams for us and dreams for me.
She bought into it and put her all into the relationship. Because I wasn’t the only one who knew what was beautiful, a lot of men who came to the shop fell in love with her because they also knew what was beautiful and could touch and trace the pattern of whatever was beautiful. She told me about them and we laughed but I was concerned that one day someone rich and handsome would take her away from me.
I became jealous and started working so hard to marry her as soon as possible. Even when she told me she wasn’t going anywhere, I didn’t believe her. I became jealous when she had a friend called Philemon. She called him Phill and that made me more jealous. When a lady cares enough to shorten your name then she might have some love for you. Phill had a car and job I could only dream of. He bought her things that she showed to me. When he wanted to take her out, I stepped in and said, “No, you’re not going anywhere! That’s where it starts.” She called me jealous but I owned my jealousy.
Yes, I’m jealous. If that’s what will take you away from danger, then I will do it multiple times.” It looks like I drove the guy away with my overprotectiveness. He wasn’t the only guy. Other beautiful and rich guys came her way. She hid some from me but I got to know about them eventually. The only reason we fought was because of other men who wouldn’t let her be. She laughed at me. She called me names and asked me to calm down whenever such fights happened.
We got married after two torturous years of dating. Torturous because other men won’t leave her alone. After marriage, I rented a new place, a single room with a shared washroom and detached kitchen. I was hoping to change jobs, earn bigger and take us to where we could belong in peace. Three years later, we are still here. Nothing has changed. No, something has changed and that is, I’ve become poorer than I used to be. I’m earning the same salary, yet I have more to do with the same salary.
Because of that, I’m not able to provide for my wife the way I want to. If dreams come true, she should be in school by now, pursuing her HR dreams. I should be working in a bigger institution that pays very well but dreams have a way of falling mid-flight and blasting dust into our eyes. My wife works very hard. I see it and I can attest to it. Her work takes a toll on her but she’s always looking for another opportunity to earn extra money. I do too but like I said, they are nothing to write home about.
Recently, I had to utter the most difficult phrase I’ve ever said since we got married; “I don’t have money. Can we wait and do it later?” When she asked, “Later, when?” I couldn’t answer. She gave me a defeatist look and turned away. She gets it that it might take forever or I might not get the money at all. I’ve seen her cry on many nights. Sometimes, I don’t ask why. I just leave her alone to cry.
Sometimes, she sees me and quickly dries her tears and tells me it’s nothing. It’s something. It’s life that’s beating us. We are pregnant. Yes, we don’t learn, tell me. We are five months pregnant. I wish my wife wouldn’t fight for trotro to get to work, looking at her condition.
I wish she wouldn’t be doing so much but she does. In the house we live in, we take turns scrubbing the bathhouse and toilet because we share with other tenants. At first, I was doing it when it got to her turn but she stopped me because people were talking. She’s pregnant now, so I woke up at dawn and did it so no one would know. I was doing it one dawn when the landlord came to see me. He said, “You’re disturbing our sleep. Can’t you do it in the morning? Why are you hiding?” If we lived alone, what’s scrubbing that I can’t do so my wife could rest? I look at her going through all the suffering and I tell myself, “You married her just to make her suffer.”
It reminds me of the story of the beautiful flower. You see it thriving in the garden, blossoming every day into something that catches the eyes of everyone. But because of our selfish nature and desire to enjoy the beauty all by ourselves, we pluck the flower, bring it home to watch it die. I plucked my wife from her stalk and brought her home just to watch her wilt.
I love her so much but I regret marrying her to make her suffer. She deserves her time in the sun but currently, she lives in the dark with me. We live on the barest minimum but life doesn’t end here. We still have our dreams and our fighting spirit. After writing this story, I will get out there and make things happen. I don’t know what these things are but every little thing that would bring a change in our life,
I’m the man of this home. My wife looks up to me. Our unborn child deserves the best of sustenance from me. I was the one who made the promise to make her life better. She believed me and let all the better men that came her way go. Now, it’s my turn to deliver on my promise. If you see a man standing in the rain selling, or braving the storm to make ends meet, don’t ask his name. That’s me.
