After Six Years Together, He Still Wouldn’t Talk About Marriage, But There Is More To It- Lady Share Experience

It all started when I was recovering from a terrible accident that nearly paralyzed me. I met a guy while I was a level 200 student walking with a stick. I couldn’t sleep well at night because of the physical pain I was suffering and he was also nursing a broken heart so we bonded over that. We spent a lot of time chatting on the phone and delving into our past. He told me, “Despite all the sacrifices I made for my last girlfriend, she left me to marry another man.” I could tell from the way he spoke about the experience that he really loved the girl. I was touched by his pain and I am sure that it is the empath in me that connected with him. It wasn’t long before I started having affection toward him. I told myself, “He seems like a good man. And who doesn’t like a good man?”

One day he asked me to visit him. I could walk then so I honoured his invitation. We talked about ourselves and the feelings we had for each other. By the time I left for my place, we had agreed to start a relationship. He gave me a monthly allowance and made sure I never lacked anything. When I told him he didn’t have to take care of me he said, “Of course, I have to. You are a student so you need all the financial support you can get.” Everything was going on smoothly but all of a sudden he stopped calling me and answering my calls. I was very worried because I thought I did something to offend him. I called him relentlessly until one day he answered. The first thing he said was, “I think you infected me with an STD.” I said, “What? Be serious please.” He insisted he was telling the truth so I went to the hospital and ran a lot of tests.

The results showed that I was clean. I sent him a photo of it and followed up with a text, “If you want to break up with me, say so but don’t accuse me of something I am innocent of.” He didn’t reply to my texts so I accepted that our relationship was over. It was not easy but I tried my best to move on. About a year later, he reached out to me and apologized for his behaviour. I was single and still in love with him so I forgave him and gave him another chance. We started our relationship afresh and he continued giving me monthly allowances. Everything was progressing well until he was transferred to work in a different town. That was when all the drama started. I was done with university and waiting to start my national service at the time. I realized that I hadn’t met any of his friends or family and it got me concerned. I also noticed that he didn’t want me to visit him at his new place.

I wasn’t one to let the matter rest so I pushed him to allow me to visit him until he caved in. The first few times I visited him, he locked me in the house anytime he had to go to work. I complained several times, “It’s not safe for you to lock me in the house. What will I do in case of an emergency?” Eventually, he stopped doing that. When the national service posting came in, I was placed in his district. While I was happy that we were going to be close to each other, my boyfriend said it was a bad idea. And used his influence to get me posted to another region. I went with the flow for the sake of peace. On my graduation day, he was present. He got to meet my family and they were all happy to finally meet him. After that, I tried to get him to introduce me to at least one of his friends but he made excuses.

During one of my visits, I got curious and searched his wardrobe. I saw a diary with a wedding ring in it. I also found two school fee receipts of different kids. There were also a woman’s possessions in there. I put the pieces together and concluded that he was married with two kids. When he returned home from work I confronted him in tears, “When were you going to tell me that you are married with kids?” This guy denied it and said, “You can’t just conclude that I am married because of the items you found in my wardrobe.” I cried and begged him to tell me the truth until he finally admitted that he had a wife. He said, “We’ve been separated for some years now and the children are living with her.” Then he begged me not to leave him as other girls have done once they found out the truth.

I explained, “My problem is the fact that you lied to me right from the onset.” He apologized profusely for that and I forgave him yet again.

Our love grew stronger after that. Though we were separated by distance, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. It got to the point where everyone at my workplace knew about him. Eligible bachelors who were ready to settle down approached me but I turned all of them down because of him.

When I finished my national service I asked him, “What are your plans for our future? I want to get married but you’ve never mentioned the subject.” He told me, “You are not working yet so I can’t marry you.” I was confused. He had been giving me monthly allowances ever since we met so why couldn’t he have married me? Anyway, I didn’t want to seem desperate so I didn’t push things.


Fast forward, I travelled outside the country for surgery. That was when he start

ed talking about marriage. He would call and tell me, “I am finalizing my divorce so that we can get married as soon as you come back.” He spoke to his family and they even set a date for the introduction. When I finally returned, it was a different story. There was no talk about marriage anymore. I was still recovering from my surgery when I decided to surprise him at his workplace with a cake and snacks on his birthday. Before I set off I asked if he was at work and he said yes. I texted him throughout my journey and he was at work the entire time. And then I arrived and called him saying, “Surprise! I am in your town and I’m bringing you some stuff for your birthday.”

He went quiet for a minute and then said, “Oh, I’m sorry but I have travelled. You won’t come and meet me at the office.”

The good thing was that I made the trip with my sister so I wasn’t alone. We found a place to sit and gave the snacks to some school children. I felt so hurt because I didn’t know if he had lied about being at work or if he was lying about travelling. It was not an easy night but we managed to get a guesthouse and then returned home the next morning. On our way back he called me several times but I didn’t answer any of them. He continued to call until I picked up four days later. He apologized and even blamed me for showing up without telling him. After all this, I still stayed in the relationship. What I told myself was, “No one is perfect and neither is he.”

I think what bothered me the most was his lack of interest in the topic of marriage. Whenever I brought up the topic he would say, “I am not ready to get married so stop nagging me.” One day I got tired and said to him, “We’ve been together for six years and I’m not getting any younger. This relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere so I don’t want to continue it anymore.” He retorted, “Do whatever you want. No one is holding you.” That was when I realized that I had made a stupid mistake and wasted my time with him. I stopped talking to him from that moment. These days he has been texting and calling me but I ignore him. I am currently thirty-three years old, why would I want to be in a relationship heading nowhere?