When I meet a man I like, the first thing I check is his ring finger. If his finger is free of a ring, I would do everything within my power to be friends with him. I may be the first to call or first to text. I don’t mind being the one to call for a date. I’m always available to the men I like because you rarely meet people you like. I met James at an event where we both sat closer to each other. He was a gentleman, he paved way for me and helped me carry the boxes I sent to the event. I took the time to look at his finger. There was nothing there. I said my thanks and introduced myself to him. By the time the event was over, we had exchanged contacts with the aim of getting to know each other better.
He called often. He was the one to arrange our first date. He was the one to bring me home that same night after the date. Something was brewing up between us but with time I realized the energy was coming from only my side. We had a conversation. I asked if he was committed to someone and he said yes. “We’ve been together for four years. Had it not been for some issues we are facing in our relationship, we would have been married this year.” I didn’t ask what issue it was because I knew with time he would open up. I’m good at making people open up to me but it takes time to do that. He asked if I was committed to someone and I said no. “I’ve been available since last year. The man I was with decided I wasn’t a woman enough so he went back to his ex.”
This confession sparked a huge conversation that lasted the whole night. After that night, anytime we talked, I asked about his girlfriend. The response wasn’t good. It lacked energy and enthusiasm. It’s either “She’s there” or he’ll respond, “I haven’t heard from her today but I believe she’s fine.” Something about those responses gave me hope that something may happen between us eventually if I give it some time. Honestly, I was in love with him and I suspected he was in love with me too but couldn’t express it because he had someone in his life.
One day he proposed to me. It came out of nowhere. Like we were talking about the food we ate in the morning and the next thing I knew he was proposing to me. I asked him, “Are you two having issues again?” He smiled. He answered, “Not really but you and I have come a long way and each time we are together, I feel this peace and calm within my heart. I know you don’t have anyone. I’m the one who comes with all the encumbrances but I don’t want that to stop me from expressing what I feel for you. You can say no and I will be fine knowing that I told you what was on my heart.”
I loved him but I needed to know my stand in his life before I commit to anything. I asked him, “Let’s just say I’ve accepted your proposal. Who do I become in your life and what becomes of her?” He responded, “It’s complicated the kind of relationship we have now. Family is involved and they are all watching to see what becomes of us. I’m working in her father’s company. In fact, that’s where we met. His father knows we are dating and he’s been very kind to me. Her mother too is very nice to me but I can’t say the same about their daughter. She’s hot today and cold tomorrow. They have money so sometimes she uses that to make me feel so small. She doesn’t respect me and doesn’t involve me in any aspect of her life. She would travel and I wouldn’t know until she gets there before she would tell me. It’s hard loving a woman like that but because of family, we keep going.”
I listened to him carefully. I felt pity for him. You could see from his expression that he was regretting something. That day we kissed. Shuperu also happened that day. I told him, “I’m always here for you. Whenever you’re settled in your mind as to what you want, tell me and I’ll hear you out.”
We’ve been going out for almost a year. Whenever we are together, fireflies fly and there’s a blast of fireworks. He loves me and it shows. I love him too and I do everything to let it show. The only stumbling block between us now is his girlfriend. He doesn’t know how to let her go and it frustrates us sometimes. I felt we needed to have a final conversation about it so I brought it on board again. This time he said, “I don’t want to waste your time with my indecision so if you get a man you love, feel free and go for him. I’ll understand. I don’t want you to go through the kind of confusion I’m going through. When someone comes around, feel free to tell me.”
I was hurt and I told him how his words hurt me. His answer was, “We both have to face the true side of what we are doing. I can’t leave her like that until I get something to hold on to. You have to understand me.” I understood him but I wanted more assurance than what he gave me. I withdrew from him but he kept coming. When I took a step backwards he took two steps forward. He was always in my space when all I wanted was to stay away from him. And whenever he came close, the sparks flew and we did what lovers do. He’s waiting for me to get a boyfriend and leave. I’m also waiting for him to get a reason to leave his girlfriend. It’s like both of us are chasing a mirage. We don’t know where it ends.
I missed my period for days. I thought I was pregnant. Thinking about being pregnant gave me an idea. I called him to tell him I was pregnant. I hadn’t checked but I was very sure that I was pregnant. He asked what we were going to do and I told him we were going to have a baby. He screamed, “Just like that?” I responded, “Yes because I’m not ready to do anything to it. I’ll have the baby. He came home telling me I should give him some time to make a concrete decision about the pregnancy. I told him, “We are going to have a baby. It’s time to let that girl go. If you don’t do it, I’ll help you do it. I’ll call her and tell her everything.”
The signs were good. I felt he was going to tell the girl and that would be reason enough for the girl to leave. He called in the evening to ask that we go to the hospital together to confirm the pregnancy. I said OK. That very dawn, my menses came. I couldn’t carry out the charade to the end because he needed hospital confirmation. I told him it was just a pregnancy scare and he gave out a huge sigh of relief. Now I know what would make him make a decision. Pregnancy.
I’m trying to get pregnant for him for real this time so he makes up his mind. I want to know if it’s a good idea. I’m twenty-seven. I have a good job I’m doing and the next good thing I need in my life is a good man. James is a good man but he needs a push to break away from this confused state of mind. I want to give him that push and currently, the only thing I can use to push him is pregnancy. I want to know if it’s a good idea for a woman to go that far for the man she loves. If it’s a silly idea too, please be gentle with me. It’s not easy, these matters of the heart.
