treatment he gave me the first time I tried to live with him. So I decided to leave him to his own devices. I had saved the number of one of the girls he cheated on me with in the past. I never got around to calling her.
I even forgot about her existence until I was going through the WhatsApp status of people on my contact. I came across a video on her status. She was with someone who looked like Dan. I opened the video and truly, it was my husband.
The two of them were having a fun time in an expensive restaurant in Accra. This was a man who always told me, “I don’t have money,” every time I asked him for money for our upkeep. I knew he was a lot of things but this was too much.
I texted the girl and introduced myself. She was surprised. “Madam, I didn’t know he is married. He told me he was divorced.” I thanked the girl for giving me that information.
If the man says he is divorced then what was I still doing in the marriage? The next day I gave him his rings and told him, “This is not a marriage. Let’s just end things so you can have the freedom to live your life as a single man.” I thought he would be happy, or at least relieved, but he started acting sad.
He put on the same act that he always did when I caught him cheating. I always fell for it but not this time. I had had enough. He kept apologizing and asking for another chance but it wasn’t something I could do. All I kept thinking about was my mother’s backup stove.
When I was a child, my mum had a metal stove in the kitchen. She cherished it until one day she came home with a new shiny glass stove. She took off the metal stove and kept it in a cupboard.
After she fixed the new stove, I asked her why she wouldn’t just throw the metal stove away. She said, “Let it be there. It might come in handy one day.
I watched her treat the new stove like a trophy, constantly cleaning it and keeping it shiny while the backup stove sat in the cupboard gathering dust, hoping to become useful one day.
This memory from my childhood reminded me of my marriage. I had become the backup metal stove Dan kept in his cupboard, while he flaunted his girlfriend like the new shiny stove.
He wouldn’t let me go but wouldn’t commit to making our marriage relevant either. It was up to me to set myself free. That’s what I did. We were only married traditionally so my family returned his drinks to him. I have my own place in Accra now.
I am currently in the university while working to take care of my daughter. Let it not be said of me that I chose to be a backup stove when I could be someone’s shiny glass stove someday.
