My junior sister got married when she was twenty-six years old. She gave birth a year later and at twenty-nine she died. That’s the simple biography of Serwaa. Her death threw our family off balance, especially my parents. My dad thought he couldn’t survive another day without his daughter. My mom didn’t speak for days. She was admitted to the hospital, came home two days later and three days later she was back on admission at the hospital. My junior brother couldn’t go to school for days. As the first child of the family, I had to stay strong and cater to the needs of everyone who was breaking down. I couldn’t even get the time to mourn my sister very well because there was always drama somewhere I had to handle. The question I kept asking myself was, “How could Serwaa be the one to go? How could she die just like that?”
Her husband also couldn’t take the events lightly. Luckily for him, he had the backing of a strong family system that tried all it could to make life easier for him. He couldn’t go to work for weeks. After my sister was buried, he resigned from his job and took to drinking. It was one of the darkest moments of our lives because Serwaa was the light that shone through everything we did as a family.
She was a very smart woman, smarter than every one of us. She was first in every class she was in so right after the university, she got a job. She got a job even before her national service posting came so in the end, she had to do her national service where she was working. Her salary was huge and as a family, we lived off her benevolence. She took care of my parents and took care of us when we needed care. She completed the family house so my mom and dad could move permanently into it. She was in charge of my brother’s education and was in charge of everything that needed someone to be in charge. That was why she was the light that ran through us.
When she met Eben and wanted to get married to him we were all concerned because of her age but Serwaa hardly made a wrong decision so we stopped trying to stop her and instead gave her all the support she needed. Eben came home and we all fell in love with him. A very kind man who had the same aura of support that Serwaa carried wherever she went. Their wedding was the most beautiful thing I saw that day. Eben has an affluent family and their affluence was on display in every bit and piece of the wedding. After the wedding, I didn’t hear from them often until they had their child. I was an aunt. I was always around them playing the aunt role until my sister fell sick one day. She was in and out of the hospital for a while and each time she was at the hospital, I was the one taking care of the kid until one day she gave up the ghost.
Aaron was with me when his mother died. This boy won’t allow anyone to handle him except me and his dad so he became my property right from day one. We changed his school so he’ll be closer to me. His dad always came around until after the funeral when he had to travel abroad. We were not ready to let Aaron be with his father’s family so I held on tight to him while his father’s family provided the support Aaron needed. Four years later, I still live with Aaron and he calls me “Mom.” I’m the only mother he knows though we’ve made a conscious effort not to keep him away from the demise of his mother.
When Eben was abroad, he called me every day so he could hear the voice of his son. He would ask me, “How’s our son doing?” And I will give him the rundown of everything Aaron had been doing. He sent money often. He sent learning materials and he sent whatever we needed him to send for the growth of his son. When Eben was coming from abroad, he came with a woman he met there. According to him, it’s that lady who helped him heal and even helped him pull away from drugs. I met the lady, Lena. One sweet woman like that. They came home to see Aaron. They were planning to get married so they could come for Aaron.
Thinking of losing Aaron got me very sad but I knew that day would come when his father would finally settle and come for him. Eben came around my place one day to see Aaron and we talked. I cooked for him and he stayed all day in the house with us. During mid-day, Aaron fell asleep and it was just us pretending to be busy when there was actually nothing to do. He met me in the hallway and he kissed me. I didn’t fight the kiss. It was when he started pushing further that I told him, “No, don’t go there. You’re getting married very soon and I also have a man who is thinking of marrying me. Don’t let us complicate things, I beg you.”
Before I could say another word, we had ended up on the sofa and things had started knocking things. I wasn’t fighting him. I’d lost my balance and sense of reasoning at that point so I gave it all away to be consumed. While dressing up I asked him, “Since when?” He answered, “Since I came back.”
“What did you see?”
“I saw you for who you really are.”
“So…so…what’s your plan?”
“I have none. Do you have any?”
“Yes. We won’t see each other again and we’re both going to pretend this didn’t happen. I’m close to something important for me. I’ve had huge disappointments when it comes to my love life. Finally, the needle is about to settle. Don’t let us do this.”
He nodded but it didn’t look like he was convinced. Aaron woke up and Eben later left. I cried but I didn’t know why I was crying. I was thinking about Serwaa. I was asking myself if I’d betrayed her memory. “If there’s a ghost town and she saw what just happened, will she be happy? I’m a monster.”
I thought about the man in my life who was ready to make things right and I broke down in tears again. “I’m a cheat. Yes, I am. How am I going to handle myself around him knowing what I’d done?” I swore it won’t happen again. I spent my days trying to avoid Eben. I didn’t pick up his calls and I didn’t respond to his text.
One weekend he said he was coming to visit. I told him to meet us at my
parents’ house. He came there and spent a few hours there. When he was leaving, he asked if he could drive us home and I nodded. Aaron fell asleep while on our way home so Eben started being touchy. We got home and got down from the car and Eben followed. When I sent Aaron to his room Eben followed me to my room and it happened again. At this point, it was no longer an accident so we did it again and again and again. We even started having casual conversations about it as if we had no conscience.
Eben says I shouldn’t marry. He thinks we can run away together and begin a new family abroad. “Once we are abroad, our families will accept our relationship and won’t have anything to complain about.” I asked him, “How about the woman who helped you heal?” He answered, “Shit happens. She’ll move on once I call it quits with her.” There’s a certain assurance in his voice but I’m not falling for it. I don’t want to have anything to do with him. Anything beyond what has already happened. I’ve told him whatever we had is over because I want to concentrate on my relationship.
The man in my life has started complaining. He thinks I’m drifting away and he has started asking questions. It’s not fair to him, the cheating and the lies, and it’s not fair to the memory of my sister who was the light in our darkness.
I’ve wiped off my lips, pretending nothing has happened. I spend more time with my man now. Aaron goes to his grannies so his father can see him there. I don’t pick up Eben’s calls and I don’t answer his text. I’m running from him but it looks like he’ll one day find me and the fake defences I’d built around me would come crashing down. We’ll commit the same sin again because I’m lying about my feelings.
I like Eben. I love his dreams for us and I know he’ll do it if I give him the go-ahead but there would be too many casualties. My mom, my dad, his family, Lena, friends and even the ghost of my sister. I’m not going to do what he wants me to. I’ll be here, pretending I’m happy and strong. A month from now, he’ll go back with his girlfriend and I’ll have my peace. I pray they marry soon and come for Aaron so ties would be broken. The thread that runs through us currently is Aaron. Once he’s gone, I believe I’ll be fine and I’ll love what I have and begin life with him as if none of these infidelities didn’t happen.
