I am your typical church girl, but I am also so much more than that. I don’t just go to church to fulfil a social obligation, no. I am someone who loves God with all my heart. And I desire that I will marry a man who also loves God. I want a husband I can pray with, discuss the word of God with, and one who will be by my side as we fellowship with other believers. This thing that I want has made my love life a little difficult.
It doesn’t help matters that I easily fall in love. The men who fall in love with me and want a relationship with me are the kind who don’t have a relationship with God. And the ones who tend to love God are the ones who don’t want me. Sometimes I would give these Christian brothers hints that I am interested in them but they would never catch on, or if they do, they wouldn’t show any interest in me. That’s how I ended up in a relationship with a man who did not hold God close to his heart. It went against my beliefs to be with him but I figured I could make it work.
While I was in that relationship, Kofi expressed interest in me. Kofi and I go way back. I was single back then so he thought I was still available. However, I had to let him down gently with the truth that I was seeing someone. It didn’t please him to hear it but he agreed to remain in my life as a friend. One thing I have always admired about Kofi is his openness. He is not the kind to play games and hide his true intentions. So although we were good friends, I was aware that he still wanted to be more than a friend.
A while after his proposal, Koo came along. I told him straight up that I was in a relationship so he didn’t try to woo me. I am not well versed in relationship matters but I know it when a man is interested in me. Koo’s interest in me was very glaring even though he did his best to play the part of a good friend.
A year into the relationship, the newness wore off and reality set in. I realized I wasn’t willing to compromise on certain things because of my faith. Because he doesn’t share my faith, he didn’t respect my values. He wanted me to bend my rules, and I wanted him to stretch his hands to Jesus for salvation. You can see where this is going, right? In the end, we just had to let go of each other for the sake of peace.
Immediately I was healed and ready to move on, I informed Kofi that I was single again. I knew he was still interested in me so I expected him to make a move. Surprisingly, he did not. He only said, “Thank you for telling me.” I couldn’t have come out right to ask him out. So I did the one thing that Christian women are advised to do in this situation; I showed him signs that I wanted him. He saw the signs and told me, “I am still very much interested in you, but I need you to give me some time.”
I was in love with him, so I waited for him. Even when he was too busy to call me, I waited for him. I would call him to talk to him and he would go on about how busy he is. I have always known he has a busy schedule so I believe he is busy. I just wished he would do something to let me know that my wait wouldn’t be in vain. However, he did no such thing.
After a whole year, I grew impatient. I wasn’t getting any younger, you know? That was also the time Koo started giving me attention. Somehow he found out I was no longer in a relationship so he started wooing me. He would call me and we would have long conversations. He texted me constantly when we were not on a phone call. It was nice to have that kind of connection with someone again.
After a while, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I liked Koo but I was sceptical about dating him. He is not completely outside the Christian faith, but he is not mature in the faith either. He has a long way to go when it comes to spirituality. And that’s something that means a lot to me. Apart from that he is kind and accommodating. When I discussed my concerns with him he didn’t take it wrongly. “If it matters to you that I take my Christian walk seriously then that’s what I am going to do. We will be the couple that serves God together,” he assured me.
It meant a lot to me that he was willing to try for my sake. So I agreed to be his girlfriend. We are doing well but sometimes I get insecure. I want him to get to know God for himself, not because he wants to be with me. So what if he is doing all this so I would marry him, only to change after marriage? What will I do then?
Despite my insecurities, I am determined to stay and make things work. Now here comes the problem. Koo and Kofi work at the place so he was bound to find out about our relationship. In order to eliminate any surprises, I chose to tell Kofi about the relationship first.
His reaction to the news was not what I expected. He almost cried as he uttered the words, “I was serious when I said I needed some time for us to be together. And I thought we were on the same page but I was wrong. Why did you have to break my heart like this?” I didn’t mean to hurt him. I waited for over a year for him to assure me that he is mine but he just kept telling me to wait for him. He didn’t show me any actions, just words. Now, I feel sad and brokenhearted that he is disappointed. What do I do in a situation like this?
