I have tried to share my story a few times in the past but I have lacked the courage to send it. Even as I am sharing it today, it’s because I get to hide behind the shield of anonymity. I just have to get this off my chest, and hopefully some good counsel. This is what happened… I met this Nigerian guy in Ghana who expressed interest in me.
He came to Ghana for work. I liked him enough to date him, however, I wasn’t serious about him. I don’t mean in the sense that I treated him poorly, no, far from that. It was more of an adventure for me. That’s because it is my first relationship. So I was all about experiencing how it feels to be in a relationship. I am from a good home. I have not really known lack in life.
My parents taught me to be an independent woman so I never had financial expectations going into the relationship. Even in my regular circles, I am not one to expect anything from anyone around me in terms of money. Once I have what I need, I am fine. Whatever you give me, however little goes a long way to make me feel loved. That’s the same attitude I transferred into the relationship. It never occurred to me that my boyfriend had to show a gesture or two, at least once in a while.
I was just there in the relationship. I was rather the one sending him airtime, and money whenever he mentioned that he was broke. I was doing all these things for him because he was away from home. I figured someone had to look out for him, and who better than his girlfriend? Well, in 2023 I also found myself in Nigeria. By then he had also gone back home.
The same thing that brought him to Ghana took me to Nigeria. I was even happy when I found out I was going to his home state, Port Harcourt. Trust me, it wasn’t planned. Just a pleasant coincidence. At least that’s what I thought. Honestly, finding myself in Nigeria changed things for me concerning the relationship. I told myself it was destiny.
So I decided to stop considering the relationship as adventure, and actually apply myself to it. I put my heart into it and became more serious about him.
I believe that was when I started noticing all the things I was blind to. The most important for me was his attitude toward giving. Right from 2021 when we started dating, he has never offered me anything. I don’t want to use the word give, so I don’t sound entitled but yes, that’s it. Because I never asked, he also never bothered to be generous.
Anyway, I’m still here in Nigeria and we are still dating. I went to the market one Saturday and spent more than I had budgeted. By the time I was done, I didn’t have any left for transportation back home. It was difficult for me but I mastered courage and called my boyfriend. “Please, I am stranded. Can you help me with two thousand naira to get home?” This guy opened his mouth and asked, “When will you pay it back?” I was so stunned that I hung up. I had no option but to trek home.
Till now, this guy hasn’t noticed that what he did to me was unkind. He didn’t even ask me how I got home. I have thought of quietly walking away from him but now my heart is in it. I keep telling myself that if I walk away now, I would be throwing away four years of my time with him. What do I do?
