My husband and I were madly in love when we got married. Usually, the honeymoon phase of marriage doesn’t last for so long but ours went from bliss to bliss. Everything was sweet and lovely until I got pregnant.
Then pregnancy took a toll on me physically. The first trimester was the worst. Morning sickness, vomiting, and other sicknesses became a part of my life. When I got to my second-trimester things got better health-wise but something about my marriage changed. Nothing was the same—the joy, the laughter, and the intimacy. No matter what I did, my wouldn’t touch me. He started treating me like I was made of eggshells and he could break me just by desiring me. Sometimes I would try to look as sexy for him. I had a visible baby bump but I tried to spice things up just to get his attention and possibly seduce him. All I got for my effort were excuses.
“I have been stressed at work lately so I won’t be at my best. Let’s watch a movie tonight. We can do it another night.”
“O dear I have a terrible headache, let’s cuddle instead.”
The few times I got him to touch me, it felt like I had forced him. Everything felt like he was performing a chore he despised. This affected the way I saw myself. I felt I was no longer the woman he desired. Instead of enjoying my pregnancy journey, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
By God’s grace, I delivered a healthy baby with no complications. I took my postpartum care seriously and in due time I recovered what I lost during pregnancy. My body felt ready to be loved and cherished by my husband. I started trying to let my husband know I was ready but he wouldn’t even look at me, let alone notice my efforts. He always found ways to turn down my advances.
He spent a lot of time out of the house leaving me alone with the baby. Sometimes I would overhear him chatting and laughing on his phone, but he would frown the moment I got close to him. He kept locks on his phone. Keeping passwords was something we both never did. I started feeling ugly. I hated myself because of the way he looked at me. There was no desire in his eyes. If anything, he looked at me with scorn than with desire. I stopped looking into the mirror. I cried often and lost appetite. This affected the production of breast milk, hence affecting the baby too.
One day I was walking in town lost in thought when I heard a car honk followed by a screeching sound of a vehicle pulling a quick brake. I got startled and sat on the floor though the car did not hit me. I nearly got hit by a car because I was thinking about my marriage going down the drain My eyes got blurred with tears and I started crying.
The driver of the car that almost hit me came out of the car and helped me to my feet. He spoke to me for what felt like a long while. I couldn’t hear most of what he was saying but I remember feeling comforted. When I stopped crying, he asked, “Where are you going? Let me drop you off.”
On the way, he asked me, “What happened? Why were you so upset?” Sometimes it is easier to open up to strangers than it is to talk to people you know. I spilled everything to him. From start to finish, I didn’t hold back. He didn’t say much. He just listened to my story. That was all I needed at that moment, someone to listen to me.
Before I got down we exchanged contacts and promised to keep in touch. We talked from time to time. From what he told me, he is three years older than me and had never been lucky with love. He was single so he gave me his full attention. He took me to lunch and bought me gifts. The attention made me feel good. By then, our baby was over a year old and yet my husband wouldn’t even throw a look my way. My new friend on the other hand looked at me like I was a unicorn. I felt seen, loved actually, and beautiful.
The first time I visited him was memorable. We ended up having sex and it was the best I’ve ever had. Somedays, I spent the whole night with him with my baby next to me. He treated me and my baby very well as if we were his own. I was going through all this phase of life and my husband still didn’t notice. How could he see? He wasn’t looking at me. I decided to ask for a divorce because what’s it worth if you have a husband who treats you like you don’t exist?
But something changed. I don’t know what but all of a sudden, my husband started noticing me and how I was glowing. Maybe the reality began to dawn on him when he realized that I was no longer demanding his attention. I dressed nicely. I looked my best every day but not for him. He came to his senses and started noticing me. He tried getting to me but I ignored him just like he ignored me.
One day I came home from my boyfriend’s place to pack my bags. That was when he saw that I wasn’t joking about the divorce. He begged and apologized for his neglect; “Please, don’t do that. I’m sorry. I have been foolish, but trust me, we will work things out.” I didn’t want to hear a word of his plea. He kept begging, “Have you forgotten our marriage vows? Especially the part that said, “… till death do us part?” I meant every bit of it. Don’t give up on us.”
I still walked out on him to enjoy my newfound happiness while he kept sending his family to talk to me. The advice from his family got into my head at some point so I decided to give our marriage one more chance.
It wasn’t easy when I had to break up with my boyfriend. He begged me to stay but I owed it to my peace of mind to give my husband another chance. I explained things to him and we amicably broke up. That was the end of us.
It’s been five years since I gave my husband another chance and I don’t regret my decision. Our marriage is as happy and blissful as it was when we first got married. In some twisted way, cheating on my husband saved my marriage.
