He ticked all my boxes. He was exactly everything I wanted in a man. I looked at all his amazing qualities and said, “Finally, I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Our connection was beautiful. I was so excited about the kind of intimacy we shared that I did not pay attention to physical attraction. What I mean is, that I did not stop to consider whether or not I felt aroused by him.
We courted for ten months and got married in the eleventh month. Before we tied the knot, we had Shuperu a few times. All those times we did it, I was not properly lubricated. He did all the right things but my body just did not react to him enough to secrete the juices needed to make the experience pleasurable. I ended up getting hurt every time.
I did not take it seriously when this happened. I just convinced myself that I was experiencing low sex drive. It happens when there’s a lot going on in a person’s life. And with the marriage preparations and everything I was handling, I just labeled my lack of arousal as stress-induced. When we finally got married too, I didn’t feel anything when he touched me. The only time my body reacted to him was when I had drunk alcohol. So I became reluctant whenever he wanted to have intimacy.
I would tell him, “I can’t do it today. I have a headache.” On other days I would use the classic excuse, “My red river is flowing so we can’t do it.” He got suspicious when the excuses kept getting unreasonable as time passed. I could get my “period” two weeks apart. This continued until I got pregnant and had a baby. After the baby arrived, I even stopped yearning for intimacy. I look at the beautiful man I married and feel no desire. It was as if he was made of wood.
Or maybe I was made of wood. Sometimes when we are doing it, it’s nice. But when we finish, I get bruises. That’s why he has to talk, talk, and talk before I give consent to do it. He hates it when this happens but I can’t help it. I have gone to buy some aphrodisiacs to help me get in the mood but it doesn’t work. My husband does a lot of foreplay but I still end up as dry as a cactus by the time he is ready to go all in. When it gets to that point, I don’t want to leave him hanging so I just let him do it anyway, knowing very well that my kitty would end up bruised.
A while ago, I came into contact with an ex-boyfriend of mine. We reminisced about the good old days and the conversation got sexual. While we were talking I realized that I was getting wet so I just cut off communication with him.
As tempting as it was, I didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole. Even though that conversation was wrong, it taught me that my body is not broken. I don’t have a low libido like I believed. I just don’t have sexual feelings for my husband. He is still the good man I married. It’s been two years since we said our marriage vows yet nothing about him has changed.
I should be basking in marital bliss but here I am, the only way I enjoy Shuperu with my man and not get hurt afterward is if I drink alcohol.
He sat me down the other day and asked me, “What do I do so wrong in the bedroom that you always turn me away when I am in the mood? Sometimes I have to talk and suffer before you let me do it even once.
Do you not love me?” It was hard for me to admit but I couldn’t keep lying to him. I came clean, “Of course I love you. You are all I have ever wanted in a man. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband than you. It’s just that I am not attracted to you sexually.
I am trying to make it work but I don’t feel anything when you touch me.” He was hurt. He told me, “I think you just liked me because I ticked all your boxes. But you don’t actually love me. If you did, the attraction would come naturally.” He blames me for putting us in this situation. Some Myths About Adoption In Ghana You Need To Stop Believing
He said I should have let him go when I knew right from the start that a problem like this existed. He is asking for a separation. “I don’t understand why I should have a wife that I cannot sleep with,” he says. I am just as hurt and sad as he is.
I feel so drained by this issue. I want to know if it is normal that I love my husband but feel nothing for him sexually. Is there a remedy for this problem? If there is anything I can do to resolve this, I will gladly do it. I am so afraid that this thing will result in a divorce.
