I Started Hiding my Body From Him. Whenever we Were Together, Because Of What He Said To Me

A few days ago I asked a male friend, “Can a guy propose to a girl he doesn’t like? He answered my question with a question; “What do you mean? You mean the guy doesn’t love the girl and yet proposes to her?” I answered, “Yeah, something like that. A guy meets a girl, he knows that physically the girl doesn’t match up to his taste but yet goes ahead to get the girl interested in him and later proposes to her.”

His answer was; “If any guy does that then it means he’s not sane.” I said in my head, “That’s exactly the answer I’m looking for. He’s not sane or maybe something isn’t working well in his head.” I’m talking about my boyfriend. Or should I refer to him as my ex? Because as it stands now I don’t know if we are still together or we are over.

He came to my attention a year ago through a friend. I saw him as a friend of a friend until he started pushing toward me. At first, I didn’t give him too much thought. It’s normal for a friend of a friend to want to be friends with you. He took my number from our mutual friend and texted me. He said, “I have your number now so get ready for pro max disturbances. Or you want Ultra disturbances?” I thought it was funny the way he said it. I responded, “I’m an iPhone person so I will go for the pro max. That makes a lot of sense.”

Some sort of friendship began from that point. He’ll comment on my every status especially if I was in the photo with another guy. He’ll ask, “Is that the lucky one?” I will say, “No he’s not. He’s someone I know.” Or I will say, “He’s just a friend.” One day he asked the question he has been dying to ask; “If everyone is just a friend then where’s that lucky guy?” I didn’t have a lucky guy in my life as he put it so I told him, “No lucky guy. I’m just a lucky girl living day by day just by his grace.” He didn’t believe me or he said something that sounded like he didn’t believe me. “A beautiful girl like you? You don’t have anyone? So those guys around you, what are they doing?”

He asked for a date and I went. That day I invited our mutual friend to come with us but he later called the mutual friend to tell her not to come because he wanted us to be alone. I thought he was going to propose so I prepared my rejection speech. That night he didn’t propose. It turned out to be a casual night where he wanted us to talk and get to know each other. We went out on several dates and he even visited me in my office unannounced to give me lunch. He was doing everything guys in love do for a girl. One day he proposed; “I like you. From the day I saw you, I made it a point to know you better and make you mine. You fit perfectly into my desires and I want to know if there’s a space in your heart to love someone like me.”

I had my moment of playing hard to get. I dragged the proposal for a month. I asked him, “What do you really like about me?” He answered, “Everything! You’re very lovely. You don’t say much but you say everything in a beautiful way. You tick all the boxes for me. You are a very serious person with work and you motivate me to do better for myself because if I cant do better, I can’t belong to your league.” When I asked that question, I didn’t know what the answer should be for me to say “Perfect answer” but the answer he gave me brought the “awwww” feeling so I said yes to his proposal.

Everything was great between us. We were having a lot of fun and making plans for the future and all until I started noticing a trend of comments whenever we were together. Sometimes we would be lying in bed and he’ll slap my butt and say, “Eiish, bones!” From the beginning. I thought it was funny but it continued for so long that I started asking questions in my head, “Is it that he doesn’t like the way my butt is or he just loves to tease me?” Then the joke shifted from my butt to my chest. He’ll cup my breast in his palm and say something like, ”Is that all? Eiish, esusua papa. Ayɛsɛ ankaa twediɛ (They are as small as limes).

These are the two parts of my body I’d been very insecure about in the past. Growing up, it was very hard for me to get my brazier size. They were all too big to fit. I later settled for the foam ones. Not that I wanted to project what I didn’t have but the foam ones are the ones that made sense around my breast. They made them look like I have something on my chest and made certain dresses look good on me. I could go braless for days and the world won’t notice. I used to care. I used to stand in the mirror, look at them, and feel cheated by nature, “What was God thinking when he got to my breast? Oh, this lady if I give her big breast she’ll cause trouble so let me put a dot on her chest. Was that what he was thinking?” But as I grew up, I came to accept them as friends. I came to accept that there was nothing I could do about them. I made peace with them and found happiness in the way they look.

My butt too. They used to get a lot of bad PR from friends. Some suggested I should do squats every day to make it grow up a little. It’s the reason I went to the gym. When the gym instructor asked my main reason for being at the gym I answered, “I want to grow some ass.” He laughed but I was serious. After several months at the gym, I stood in the mirror and checked them out. They both screamed, “We are still flat.” I gave up the gym and accepted them for what they are; flat and fine. Today, I can make jokes with them because I’m at peace with the way they are but growing up, they were my shame. They were my insecurity. They were the reason I didn’t feel pretty enough. But today I tell people, “I’m a white woman in a black body. Deal with it.”

Maybe when I asked him that day about what he liked about me, I had those two things in mind. I knew I had something he may not like but if there are a lot of things he likes about me then they will make up for what he might not like about me.

When I noticed that trend of teasing, I asked him, “What is it about my butt and breast that makes you so obsessed with them? You talk about them every day. Don’t you have anything else to say apart from talking about them?” He repeated his statement jovially, “They are too small,” before he added, “But I like them the way they are.” I gave him my favorite line, “I’m a white woman in a black skin. If you have me, you have two in one body. You’re lucky.”

He never stopped. We fought about it. I told him to stop making me feel bad about myself. I told him I’d fought internal battles about them already and it’s because I conquered that’s why I’m confident about myself so he shouldn’t take me back. He’ll say something like, “But if something is small can’t we say it’s small? Ok, they are big. Are you happy now?”

I started hiding my body from him. Whenever we were together, the light had to go off before my clothes would go off. I stopped walking in front of him cloth-less. When he wanted shuperu in the afternoon, it became a huge fight. He would have to do it with my clothes on. Then it got to a point I stopped having shuperu with him because he wouldn’t stop talking about my assets.

We went out one day with two of his male friends. One of the friends came with his girlfriend so I was sitting with the girl on one side of the table while the guys were also on the other side of the table. One of the friends was scrolling his Facebook timeline when all of a sudden he screamed, “Guys, come and look at Hanna. I never thought this girl would grow this beautiful.” Then they all rushed their heads to the phone. It turned into a discussion. One said, “See her hips and ass. Where did she get all that from?” The other one said, “It’s fake. Don’t we all know her? If she had this when we were in school who would have called her ugly?” Right there I started thinking about my own. My mind was not even on them until I heard the voice of my boyfriend saying, “Then there’s hope for my girlfriend.” He turned to me and said, “When you get money, I will give you her number so you call her. She’ll show you where she did hers so you go there and have yours fixed.”

Everybody on the table went quiet. One of the friends was trying so hard not to laugh. His mouth was swollen with laughter but he couldn’t let it out. That was when my boyfriend got to know that he had said something awful so he said, “Don’t mind me. I’m only joking.” I responded, “I know where my ex went to get his joystick bigger. When you’re ready tell me. I will take you there.” Then the laughter stored in his friend’s mouth burst out and everyone followed. I said, “We all have something to fix anaa? He was clearly livid but he maintained his posture. He said, “You think you’re shamming me? All the guys here have seen me naked before so they know what you’re saying isn’t true. One of the friends said, “Please we don’t know anything.” Another round of laughter.

He didn’t say a word to me when we were going home. I even thought we were going home together but at some point, he got out of the taxi and said, “See you later.” He didn’t even pay his taxi fare. I got home and had the best sleep of my life. We started degrading from there. He won’t pick up my calls often and he won’t answer my Whatsapp messages though he reads them. So I stopped trying. Currently, we can go for a week without talking to each other. He’ll comment on my status and I will respond. That’s about it. Nothing serious. Some days I’m tempted to ask him if we are still together but I feel it’s not necessary. I even like it this way. The breakup isn’t sudden. It goes slowly until you move on. No wounds and no pain.