When I told Fiifi I was pregnant with his child he asked me, “So who is the father?” I was surprised he could ask this. “What do you mean by that?” I screamed, “Are you not the only man I have been doing it with?” This boy shook his head as if his ears were clogged with water.
He raised his hands in denial, “Please, go and look for the person responsible for your pregnancy. It’s not me.” I did everything possible for him to accept responsibility but he stood his ground. Out of pain and frustration, I moved to another town.
When I got there, I made friends with a certain guy. Caesar was my rock. He stood by me through all my pregnancy struggles. He was there for me when it was time to have the baby. And when the baby finally arrived, he was still there. He did everything a father would do for the baby and me. His parents didn’t have a problem with our friendship until he proposed love to me.
His mother didn’t want him to be with a baby mama. But didn’t deter us from getting together. I was sure that a man who stayed by my side while I carried another man’s pregnancy was a keeper. So why shouldn’t I fight against all odds to be his woman? Even when his mother stopped talking to me, I didn’t care. Relationships are hard, but we made it work.
You wouldn’t know that Caesar wasn’t the biological father of my baby by just looking at us. He did so well in his fatherly role that my love for him just kept growing bigger with each passing day. A few years into the relationship, I found out that I was pregnant.
I was afraid to tell him about it, considering that my last relationship ended when I got pregnant. I thought about it for a very long time. I kept asking myself, “In my experience, men don’t react very well to news of pregnancy.
What if I share this with him and he also leaves me? I am not ready to lose him.” But then again, I decided, “If he also denies responsibility and abandons me, then he is not the one.” Unlike my ex, he took it well. He continued to do very well for the family we had built. It felt nice to be with a man who was responsible. Unfortunately, our little happiness was cut short when Caesar lost his job.
It happened at the time I also lost my job. Where would we get money for anything? Sometimes he would wake up and leave home only to return at night with enough money to make dinner. Our struggles compounded when the baby arrived. He would go out and come back empty-handed. This made him angry all the time.
Every little misunderstanding easily escalated into an argument so we started avoiding each other. Yes, it’s possible. We slept in the same room but barely talked. I knew his anger stemmed from his inability to provide for us like he used to so I was patient with him and his thin patience. We survived on the benevolence of our families and friends.
This didn’t help matters, but we didn’t have much of a choice. One day someone sent him GHC70. He wanted to use the money to buy NAN 1 for the baby. But I told him, “We need to buy gas and keep something for the house. So let’s not buy the milk yet. When the money I am expecting arrives, I will use that one to buy the NAN.” He agreed and gave the money to me.
When the money I was expecting finally arrived, I realized we had to take care of other things around the house. And the NAN was not something that we needed urgently. After all, the baby is only two months old. She breastfeeds so she will manage till we can afford the NAN.
I didn’t discuss this with Caesar. I just did what needed to be done and he also didn’t ask me any questions. Just last week, we were all at home. There was no food to eat and I was starving. This guy went out and bought food for only himself.
When I complained he asked me, “Why? Am I your father that I should be feeding you?” I was very hurt by what he said so I reported him to his father. I don’t know what his father said to him but after their conversation he confronted me. He said, “You got the money you said you would use to buy NAN for my child, but you used it to buy Kalypo for that child for him to drink it away.
He meant my first child. I was too angry to explain what I used the money for. So I responded, “Even if I had used the money to buy NAN for this baby, she too would have drank it away.” I didn’t even end my statement when he kicked me. The impact was so hard that I fell. When I got up from the floor, I packed my bags along with the children’s.
The plan was to go and stay with my sister for a while. This guy took the baby from me. He said I wouldn’t leave with his child. When I tried to snatch the baby from him, he headed me. This time too I fell. I started bleeding. I called his father to intervene but the man said he was tired of us so we should do what we want. It was my landlord who came to separate the fight.
When I got hold of the baby, I took both of them and headed out. Caesar followed me out and begged me, “Please, don’t leave. I don’t know what came over me. I am sorry.” I felt like the harm had already been done. I asked him to leave me alone. I went to the hospital to get treatment for the bleeding but I was referred to the police station.
There, I was referred to DOVVSU. I narrated everything that happened to them. They asked what they should do to him. I just said, “After today, I don’t think I can ever feel safe with him anymore. I want him to pack his stuff out of my room. I am no longer interested in the relationship.
So they sent some police officers with me to my place to talk to him. However, we met his absence. After they left, Caesar called me. He asked me to withdraw the issue from the police station so we could settle it at home. “There is nothing to settle.
Just come for your stuff from my room. This relationship is over.” His father got upset with me for reporting his son to the police. I asked him if he would be happy if someone treated his child the way Caesar treated me. This man got angry and blocked me.
After that, he went about telling people that I insulted him. His mother also got angry with me. I asked her, “If your son had killed me, what would have happened to my children?” She also got angry and said I insulted her.
I haven’t seen Caesar in days. He was afraid the police would arrest him so he ran. All I want is for him to move out of my room and leave my life. He can be present for the children but I am done with him. He says he is sorry. He is asking me to go and apologize to his parents so they can sit us down and help us resolve our problems. How can I get past his act of violence? Am I being ungrateful for leaving him? Everyone says I am overreacting. Are they right? My mind is made up but I am beginning to wonder if I am making the right decision. —
