I was sure that Nana was the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. He was not perfect but he had everything I wanted in a man. He was there for me when I needed him, and he was always so thoughtful. He knew the right things to do and say to make me feel special. And one of those thoughtful things he did was to always remember our anniversaries and insist that we celebrate them in memorable ways.
When our relationship was six months old, he got me a present. It wasn’t anything grand but it was symbolic of our love and that made it priceless. On our one-year anniversary, he took me to a fancy restaurant for dinner. We had a romantic night that solidified our love. Then on our two-year anniversary, he didn’t acknowledge the date. He completely forgot it was our anniversary until I brought it up.
That was so unlike him so I became concerned. I asked, “Nana, it is unlike you to forget our anniversary. Is everything alright with you?” He nodded and said, “Yes, I am okay. I am just trying to meet some deadlines at work.” His explanation seemed valid, but I knew Nana too well to accept it.
He is not someone who easily forgets dates and important occasions. So the fact that he forgot our anniversary date made me dig into his phone. That was when I discovered that he was busy planning his six-month anniversary with another girl. I was so shocked that I didn’t ask any questions or demand any explanations.
I just carried my heavy heart and walked away from the relationship. He apologized and cried for me to take him back. He said he didn’t know what possessed him to cheat. I listened to his pleas and I honestly considered giving him another chance, but the lady got pregnant, and both their families insisted he marries her. So that was the end of us.
After Nana, I met Sam. He filled the void Nana left in my heart. He fixed all the parts of me that were broken and he made me believe in love again. Gradually, I learned to trust him without any shadow of my past darkening our relationship. As far as I was concerned, he was my future. The only problem I had with him is the fact that he dragged his feet whenever the issue of marriage came up. He would say, “I am working on a project. As soon as I finish we will get married.” Then after that project, there would be another one. He did this for five years. It was in the fifth year that I realized if I didn’t leave the relationship, I might end up being a forever girlfriend. .
Right before I could make my move to leave, I found out that Sam was cheating on me. While our relationship was five years old, his relationship with the girl was two years old. I had already made up my mind to leave so the revelation that he had another girl pushed me out the door. Five years of my life with Sam just went down the drain.
Currently, I am dating John. The first few months into our relationship he was all about me. I was literally the centre of his world. But as the newness of our relationship faded, so did John’s attention to me. We would be walking together and my man would be too busy checking out other girls to notice me. Sometimes he openly flirted with other women in my presence. On days I go through his phone I have to take paracetamol for the headache that accompanies it.
He shamelessly sleeps around with so many girls, some of whom are hookup girls. My heart used to ache when he does this and I used to cry so much. However, it’s been three years into the relationship so I have learned to look the other way.
I know that it doesn’t make sense that I am with a man who does not even hide his womanizing ways from me, but the truth is, I am just so tired.
I am tired of leaving relationships because I caught my man cheating, only to end up with another cheat. Every time I catch John with another woman he would tell me, “She doesn’t matter to me. You are the one I love.” I know it’s not true that he loves me. If he did, he wouldn’t continue doing things that would hurt me. And I know that the fact that I put up with him emboldens him to keep doing it. However, I don’t have the energy to leave him and start all over. I am at an age where all my friends are married with three or four kids. So I feel I am too old to start a new relationship. That’s why I’m still with John.
At this point, I have spent a decade of my life with men who have betrayed my trust and caused me immense pain. And these experiences have left me believing that it only gets worse. I don’t have what it takes to open up my heart to learn how to love again. I’m not in a place where I have to teach someone how to love me the way I deserve to be loved. I keep asking myself why I am struggling to have a healthy relationship with just one man, not two, only one. I don’t even know why I’m sharing this story. Maybe it’s because I’m in so much pain that I believe sharing my story will help me heal somehow
