When you know someone for as long as you’ve known my husband, you are sure to understand what makes them tick. You recognize when they’re hiding secrets and notice the subtle changes in their breathing. After fourteen years together, if I didn’t know the little things that made him the man I married, do I really love him? That’s why I could always tell when he was up to something suspicious. A slight change in his demeanor would concern me.
The first time I noticed a change in him was after four years together, before we were married. The change was subtle, and I could have missed it if I wasn’t attentive. He was still the loving and caring boyfriend I had always known, but something was different. I couldn’t pinpoint it. I didn’t see anything suspicious to direct me, so I remained silent until something happened one day.
He called me, sounding distressed. That’s one of the things that made me fall in love with him. William is an open book, not someone who hides his emotions. He was almost in tears when I asked him what was wrong. “I have been transferred from Accra to work in another region.” They didn’t give him enough time to prepare for the transfer, demanding he move as soon as possible. He was distraught about leaving his life here and moving to a new town.
I comforted him and promised to visit him the next day. When I got there, I found two used condoms in his room. I wasn’t even looking for them. I had just gone to offer my man some comfort. When I asked him about it, he didn’t lie. He admitted he had a girl over the previous night and they ended up having sex. My heart was shattered. You should see him. He doesn’t look like the kind of man who would cheat. The way he treats me, I was sure I was his world. That’s why it hurt so badly. The trust I had in him was broken. I cannot stand to share my man with another woman. So, I broke up with him there and then. He was a mess, and so was I. “Forgive me,” he begged, “If you give me one more chance, I won’t do anything like this again.” I thought about his apology but more about his betrayal. Then I shook my head and said, “No, I can’t forgive this.”
He involved both our families. They all told me, “Sometimes these things happen. He didn’t do well but his transfer has badly affected him. If you leave him now, he will be miserable. Find it in your heart to forgive him.” It took months before I finally let go of the hurt and got back together with him. Before I agreed to give him another chance, I asked for the other lady’s number, and he gave it to me. I called her and introduced myself as William’s woman.
As soon as she heard my name, she said, “Oh it’s so good to finally talk to you. I have heard so much about you. Your boyfriend and I are very good friends.” I was surprised she even knew about me. She told me many things she had heard about me, even where I worked. So I asked her, “If you knew all this, then why did you sleep with him?” All of a sudden, her tone changed. She got aggressive and denied everything. At the end of the conversation, she promised to keep her distance from him. Truly, I didn’t see any sign of her in his life after that.
In our sixth year together, we got married and started our lives together officially. William continued to be the amazing man I married until after I had our firstborn. All of a sudden, I sensed a change in him. It was subtle, but I knew him too well not to notice. One night I went through his phone and stumbled upon his WhatsApp chat with this same lady from our past. They were exchanging flirtatious messages. She initiated the conversation, asking if he hadn’t missed her after all these years. Then she followed up with a photo of her naked breasts. Instead of my husband shutting the conversation down, he indulged her. From the chat, I could tell they had met and done things to each other.
Things I didn’t expect him to do with another woman. I was shaking while the phone was still in my hand. At some point, I couldn’t see past the tears in my eyes. I confronted him about it, and he didn’t deny it. I told him, “I forgave you the last time but not this time. I am done.” I took our child to my aunt, packed some stuff, and went to live with a friend. I didn’t breathe a word of his adulterous ways to my family. One thing I learned is that if your partner hurts you and you tell your family, you may forgive them later, but your family may not. So, I reported him to his mother.
She is a marriage counsellor. I also have a good relationship with her, so it was easier to talk to her. She was just as disappointed as I was. She even took the other lady’s number and spoke to her. She asked the girl if there was anything binding her to my husband that after all these years, they wouldn’t let each other go. The girl said there was nothing. “Not even a child?” The lady said no. My mother-in-law advised her as she would a daughter. “No matter what you do, my son is married. So leave him and find your own man.” Although the lady agreed, I still wasn’t ready to return to the marriage.
My husband had to go to my best friend’s father, a man I highly respect, and asked him to talk to me. That was when I agreed to give him one last chance. Eight years of marriage and two kids later, I found out recently that my husband is still talking to this lady. I asked him, “What at all is it about this girl that you won’t let her go? You tell me you are done with her, only to turn around and go back to her.” Do you two have a child together? If that’s the case, it would make sense.” He couldn’t give me any answers. I feel so disrespected. I have noticed that the girl is not married.
That’s another one of my concerns. A single woman can go about sleeping with anyone and then sleep with my husband. If she gives him an STD, I am the innocent woman who will end up catching it. He is a selfless man. Our kids are crazy about him because he is a great dad. He is loving and everything good you could find in a partner. My only problem with him is his long-term affair with this side chick of his. The first time I caught them was ten years ago, yet she is still in the picture.
I know some women would say, if this is his only flaw, I should turn a blind eye, but I can’t share my man with anyone. So, I am preparing to inform his mother that my people will return their drinks soon. I am not looking for her to counsel me to reconsider my decision to leave him. Because of my relationship with her, I wouldn’t want her to find out about the dissolution of our marriage from my family first. In the meantime, I want to ask my fellow readers here, what would make a married man keep going back to the same side chick for ten years? That’s what I want to understand. He claims he doesn’t love her, but she is a constant problem in our marriage. Why risk everything you don’t want to lose for someone you say you don’t want?
