“What do you do?” he asked in an attempt to know more about me. “I am currently job hunting,” I responded, “I have attended a few interviews but I haven’t received any callbacks yet.” He held my hand and assured me that something would turn up soon. I thanked him and asked, “What about you? What do you do?” “I own a jewellery business. I buy from producers and sell them to retailers. I don’t make a lot of money from it but I earn enough to get by.” He answered. I had never been bothered by a man’s financial status so I wasn’t concerned when he admitted that he didn’t make much money from his business.
All that mattered to me was that he was intelligent and had a lot of prospects. I believed that with the right motivation he would make something good out of his life. We were on our first date then but I had already concluded that I liked him enough to see him again. When we parted ways after the date, I could not stop smiling at the memory of his handsome face and his super hot physique. He is tall, chocolate-skinned, and ripped. The fact that he enjoyed spending time with me really excited me.
When I got home we texted, and later spent the rest of the night talking on the phone. He was a good listener, with a good sense of humour. And I loved to talk and laugh so we fit perfectly. As the days passed, we continued to talk and spend time together. During one of our hangouts, we went to the beach. I tried to order a drink and he told me, “I don’t have money so if you buy anything you will pay for it yourself.” I was surprised he said that but I smiled at him and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t go out on dates when I don’t have money. You can order anything you want on my account.” He shook his head and said he didn’t want anything. So I went ahead and bought drinks and khebab for myself.
After his outburst at the beach, I noticed that he found a way to complain about money every time we talked. I didn’t think much of it at first but it became too glaring to ignore. We would plan to go out on a date and this guy would show up late with the excuse, “Sorry I am late. I was waiting for my brother to send me money to buy fuel before I could leave the house.” And then he would insist on not eating or drinking anything even if I offered to pay for him. If it weren’t for the fact that he had an interesting personality, going out with him would have been tedious.
One day we were talking when he complained about money again, so I asked him; “I thought you said your business was earning you enough money to survive, so why are you always complaining about money?” That was when he admitted that the business had collapsed. He said he gave some goods out to retailers on credit but they never paid back the money. “So I don’t have anything anymore. I am broke.” By then I had fallen in love with him so his broke state did not put me off. I advised him to apply for jobs so that he could at least get something to keep him going until he gets back on his feet. He agreed to do it, so I looked for job vacancies and helped him send in applications. He did well at interviews but his age disqualified him from most of the positions available. He was in his late thirties but the jobs wanted to hire people who were younger.
Through all this, I believed that things would be alright with him. However, he became insecure and tried to control my every move. Whenever I got close to a man who had a job and his life together, Michael would start accusing me of cheating on him with the person. I was patient with him because I believed he would change eventually. But he got worse when I got a job. He couldn’t stand the fact that I was meeting people who had financial security while he didn’t. Every little argument we had ended with him saying say, “I know you love soft life but I can’t offer you that. So if you’ve met someone who can give you all the material things you desire, then I give you permission to go and be with that person.”
I always told him how hurt and offended I felt when he said these things. Once, I even told him, “It is disrespectful of you to keep accusing me of cheating on you. It gives the impression that when you met me I was working in a brothel. I don’t like it so stop.” But he never stopped doing it. Now that I think of it, loving Michael is the most emotionally exhausting thing I have ever done. Our relationship was full of unnecessary drama, mostly because of his insecurities about money. I remember one time, I asked him to go to the shop with me to buy a blender. When we got there he decided to lead the negotiations. The shop didn’t have the brand I wanted so they recommended a different brand, which was twice the price of what I had budgeted for. I told the shop owner I wouldn’t buy it, but Michael insisted that it was a good brand so I should buy it. I still said no, and he got angry.
The moment we stepped out of the shop he picked a fight with me, “Why did you ask me to come to the shop with you if you weren’t going to listen to my suggestions? You made me look like a fool in there.” I calmly told him, “I listened to your suggestions but I made the decision not to spend twice the amount I expected to spend. There is nothing wrong with that.” “No, what you did was wrong. It is a clear statement that you don’t respect me as your man because if you did, you would have given me your money and allowed me to make the purchase for you.” He shouted. I yelled back at him, “Why would I allow you to decide how I should spend my money?” “Yes, you made it clear in the shop that I don’t have money. You could have given me the money to make it look like it’s mine, but you didn’t. This attitude is why if I don’t marry you, no man will marry you.”
That was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard anyone
say. It was also a wake-up call for me. I realized that as long as Michael remained broke, he would hold me back from reaching my full potential because of his insecurities. So I started plotting a way to leave the relationship. I wanted it to be peaceful so that he wouldn’t go about saying that I left him because he was broke. As I thought of the best way to end things, this guy accused me of cheating on him with one of my male friends, and then broke up with me. It was very sudden and crazy but I did not try too hard to defend myself. I was rather relieved that he was the one who called things off. Later, he came back to apologize and asked me to take him back but I refused. I was happy enjoying my newfound freedom.
To this day, Michael is the reason I don’t entertain broke men as love interests anymore. And it isn’t because I am a gold digger or interested in a man’s money. It’s because I have come to believe that men who are financially stable are so busy working to make money that they don’t have time to feel threatened when their women get close to other men.
