I dated Mahmoud for five years. In this period, we had a son together. He is a Muslim and I am a Christian. That was my mother’s problem with him. No matter how many times he asked for my hand in marriage, my mother turned him away. She said, “Even if he marries you first, he will still marry a woman from his religion. That is what these people do. So I will not give my blessings for you to marry him.” She didn’t care that I had suffered with this guy to build a life for ourselves.
My father abandoned us when we were kids so it was my mother who took care of us. Her strength only pushed me to complete JHS. When I completed, my future was mine to carve. I did some odd jobs here and there but I never furthered my education. The closest I came to acquiring a skill was when I saved money to buy a sewing machine so I could apprentice as a seamstress. My mother used to go to Accra to buy goods, so I gave her the money to buy the machine for me.
This woman spent it and didn’t make any attempt to repay me or help me get a machine for the sewing. I had no choice but to help Mahmoud with the work he was doing so I could earn something for myself. With my help, this guy bought a piece of land. We were discussing building projects and marriage plans. He took good care of me. He provided our son’s needs as well. He was good to me and for me. The only problem was my mother’s refusal to support us to get married.
After five years and no progress, she told me, “There is an opportunity for you to travel to Saudi Arabia to work. Leave that man and travel.” We went back and forth but I realized I wouldn’t win so I broke up with the father of my child. A month after the breakup, he went to his village and married another woman. After that, I started making preparations to leave the country. While things were in the pipeline, I met Kumi. He proposed marriage to me before I left Ghana. When I got to Arabia, I gave my mother’s number to him so the two of them could talk and get to know each other.
I don’t know the kind of conversations they had but my mother did not approve of this man either. She didn’t tell me how she felt about him. She waited until I returned to Ghana before she told me, “I don’t want you to marry him. When I talked to him, he confessed that you two did a blood covenant. Why would you do such a thing?” Of course, it wasn’t true. We did no such thing. Even if we did, why would my boyfriend say that to my mother? What did he stand to gain from that? I spoke to Kumi and he denied ever having such a conversation with my mother.
Sadly, between him and my mother, he is the one I believe. I tried to talk my mum out of her decision but she refused. All she kept saying was, “I will not allow you to marry him, period.” Enough time had already gone by. I didn’t want to waste any more time so I broke up with him. The next person I agreed to date after Kumi was Senyo. He was a married man who still wanted to marry me.
I have discussed it with my wife that I will marry a second wife and she is in agreement,” he assured me. True to his words, his wife was welcoming when he introduced me to her as the woman he would like to marry. My mother knew about him and his wife yet she accepted him.
Two months into our marriage discussions, my mother started complaining about my fiancé. “He is an Ewe man,” she objected, “he won’t treat you as well as he treats the women from his tribe. Besides, he has a wife already. I don’t want you to marry someone with so much baggage.” This time around, I decided not to let her mess things up for me. She did everything possible but I chose to ignore her. Unbeknownst to me, she called Senyo from time to time and rained insults and curses upon him. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he left me. I cried bitterly. I thought Senyo was a bad person.
After all, he promised to marry me only to dump me for no reason at all. It was later that I found out my mother drove him away with her constant barrage of curses. He didn’t tell me what she did because he didn’t want to ruin my relationship with her. That was when I knew the guy truly loved me. After him, I decided to take a break from relationships. I just wanted to focus on healing my broken heart and gaining financial independence. It was just around that time that Seth came into my life. When he offered me his heart I turned it down. “Please, I don’t want to have anything to do with love or relationships right now. I have been badly burned in the past,” I told him.
Seth was not willing to give up without a fight. He spoke to a few people around me to put in a good word for him; this included my friends and my mother. My mother advised me, “If your child drowns, you won’t say you will never drink water again. That’s how love is. You should not allow heartbreak to stop you from loving someone new.
This guy is a good man. Give him a chance.” I listened to her counsel and that of my friends. I called Seth and told him, “I hope when I say yes, you won’t disappoint me.” It’s been five years since we’ve been together and he has not disappointed me. We have two children together. I know love when I see it. That is why I know that Seth’s love for me is pure and unconditional.
Not only has he taken care of me, my first son, and now our kids, but he used to help out my family as well. He wants to marry me. He has wanted to marry me for a very long time but it hasn’t happened because of my mother. Once again, she has a problem with a man who wants me. She said this one too is another Ewe man.
This same Ewe man she claims is not a good person is the one who helped her to pay off some loans and my father’s hospital bills when he got sick. Could you believe my mother once told me a pastor saw in a vision that Seth tried to kill her spiritually? “He took me to a fetish priest in Brekum because he wants me out of the way so you guys can get married.”
I know my man. He is not the type to consult a spiritualist, let alone attempt to juju my mother. She begged me not to ask him but I did. He told me he did no such thing, and I believe him. It turned into a family drama later
I want to be a wife. Here lies the case my mother doesn’t want me to marry the man I have been with for the past five years. At first, she advised me to let Seth sponsor me abroad so that I would leave him when I got there. Of course, I refused to do it. Knowing her, I told her I would only ask Seth to sponsor me after he had married me. She said, “No.
If you marry him he won’t allow you to travel.” I then told her, “If you really want me to leave Ghana and break up with Seth, then sponsor my travel.” Back then she could afford to sponsor me but she didn’t do it. She just wanted me to spend an innocent man’s money and dump him afterward. So I chose to stay and stand by him instead. Now, Mahmoud is back in my life. He still says he wants to marry me. My mother, who objected to the idea in the past is now supporting it.
She would prefer it if I left Seth for Mahmoud. It doesn’t matter to her that I don’t love Mahmoud anymore. She is looking at the money he has. It doesn’t help matters that Seth lost his job recently. If she didn’t like him before, now she can’t stand him. There’s another rich guy who is also lurking in the shadows.
I know Seth loves me. We have had a peaceful relationship thus far. He hasn’t been bad to me in any way. Nonetheless, I am turning thirty this year and I have three children. How long will I continue being Seth’s girlfriend? I was determined to stand up to my mum and not let her win but now things are dragging on. My dad is now in the picture but he doesn’t have a say in the matter because he didn’t take care of me. My mother is the one whose blessings matter.
I have pleaded with her several times. I have appealed to her maternal instincts. I reminded her of all the things I have done for her and the family. The number of times I sacrificed my happiness for hers. “Mama, all I ask for is that you give me your support to marry Seth.” She still says no. I am tired. How else can I change her mind? Or I am fighting a losing battle? What do you advise I do in this situation?
