We met on Snapchat. Of all the places people meet their halves, I met mine at a place where posts last for only twenty-four hours and it is gone. It wasn’t love at first. Both of us needed each other for sex and we met and gave it to each other. It was cold. Nothing serious. No emotions involved. Nothing like; “I love you and can’t breathe when you’re not around.” It was just a meeting to have shuperu and after that, we go our separate ways as if nothing has happened. I had gotten out of a toxic relationship and was learning to heal. Maybe, I thought meeting Kwesi often to have shuperu with him without any emotions could help me heal faster but just three months after sleeping around with him, I found myself pregnant.
That should have scared me into a shell but I wasn’t scared. I met a man online for just three months and I got pregnant for him but there was no shame or fear about it. I was calm and contented as if nothing had happened. I knew I was going to keep it. I had gotten rid of two pregnancies for my ex and each time I thought of those times, it filled me with dread and uncertainties. I was like, “What if my womb is destroyed? What if those two were all God gave me and I wouldn’t be able to give birth again? What if I marry tomorrow and pregnancy becomes a problem?” These thoughts disturbed my conscience a lot so when the pregnancy came, I was happy to know that all was not lost. It was the reason I was so sure that I wasn’t going to get rid of it.
I am a quantity surveyor. I earn good money for what I do so I wasn’t scared of raising the kid all by myself if push came to shove. I was sure I was going to do a good job as a single mother and I was sure I won’t need Kwesi’s hand if he decides not to offer it. I called him and told him about it. I said, “You don’t have to worry about it. I’m telling you so you know what has happened. I’m not telling you to come and take responsibility for what you don’t want to be responsible for. So, if you think you are not ready to be a father, you can move on with your life. I will prefer to do this all alone than to have you in the picture but be inconsistent.”
He told me, “This is my responsibility as much as it is yours. I am not going anywhere. Let’s do this together.”
I didn’t expect such an answer from him so hearing him say that added a certain layer of joy to what I was already feeling on the inside. No matter how you look at it, having a child and having the father around brings some sort of security to the child and you the mother. Yes, I could have done it all alone and be happy about it but when he accepted to be part of the child’s life, it was all good to me so I spoke to my parents about him and he also did the same. A meeting was held to introduce both families to each other. It wasn’t about marriage. It was only a declaration of intention; “This woman is pregnant for me and I’ve accepted to be a father to the child and also provide for them no matter what.” Yeah, that kind of statement of intention.
But things turned out differently. Kwesi decided to take things a notch up. He announced to everyone present; “She’s going to have my child but I won’t allow things to end there. I would like to marry her even before she delivers the child.” I was like, “Really? He really wants to do this? Oh wow, this guy never runs out of surprises.” I was happy to hear him say that though I was surprised and also worried about the speed at which things were happening. Three months before that he was just a friend I knew on Snapchat. How could marriage happen this quickly between two strangers whose main aim was to have shuperu and nothing else?”
We started preparations to get married. It was during that phase that we admitted we had feelings for each other. There were no feelings involved. It was just a bland affair we were taking to nowhere but at that moment, we both accepted that indeed we had feelings for each other. It made the process easier though getting married in such a short time frame was a stressful one. In the end, we pulled it off. We got married and started living together as husband and wife.
We were so happy in the beginning that you wouldn’t suspect we got married because of a pregnancy. Kwesi took very good care of me despite the fact that I earn more than he does. I also never made him feel I earned more money than he did. I allowed him to take care of the things he wanted to take care of. And I respected him as my man. My only problem with him was that he was always on his phone. We would be having a conversation and his attention would be on his phone instead of me. It was annoying but our marriage was barely a month old, I didn’t want to rock the boat so I kept quiet.
I was using his phone to play music when a message popped up, “Hi baby, have you eaten for me?” I got curious and opened the message. The things I saw left me speechless. The person who sent the message was my husband’s side chick. I gathered from their chats that they met in hotels when I was at home. And he brought her into our matrimonial bed in my absence. He sent her money and ordered food to be delivered to her. He was more of a caring boyfriend to her than he was a caring husband to me. I couldn’t believe he was out there cheating after barely two months of marriage.
The most painful part is, she was not the only one. There were others but she was the one who lives closest to us. I suspect she knows me, and that’s what made the betrayal more painful. She must have seen me around and thought, “Look at this ignorant woman. She has no idea we share the same man.” I must have looked like a fool in her eyes. I cried so much and kept asking God, “Why is this happening to me at this moment of my life?” Before I could compose my thoughts to confront Kwesi about the girls, he fell seriously ill. I held on to my rage and took care of him as though nothing had happened. I even took leave from work and nursed him back to health.
After he recovered, I asked him in a calm way so as not to bring quarrels between us. He denied knowledge of the affairs. When I showed him the proof I gathered from his own phone, he started fumbling. He couldn’t say anything sensible. He blamed the devil. He blamed the girls. He blamed the pregnancy. He blamed everything but himself. I was so angry I went to sit outside to clear my head. I thought about confronting the girl but I decided against it. She wasn’t the problem, my husband was. Besides, what if the confrontation escalates to something physical? I thought about my unborn child and I left the side chick alone.
Later, Kwesi apologized and I let it go. It wasn’t because of him but for the sake of my peace of mind. He tells me he has broken it off with the girls but I have chosen to focus on my pregnancy for now. My problem with him now is the things he posts on Snapchat. He’s a married man now and I expect a little bit of maturity from him. Something small to reflect his current situation as a married man but no. All he posts about are sexual memes and images. I question him and he tells me. “I’m doing it for the views. Nothing deep.”
I have been patient with him and tolerant of his deviant behaviours because marriage and my journey to motherhood have changed the kind of woman I used to be. It has allowed me to make room for my husband to grow up. However, my husband is taking advantage of my leniency and keeps doing things to purposely provoke me. I believe everything he is currently doing is purposed to frustrate me. These days he doesn’t even give me money unless I ask him for it. Weeks ago, he asked me to allow him to buy the baby’s items but I am almost in my eighth month and he hasn’t bought a single thing.
To avoid embarrassment, I’ve started buying the baby stuff myself. We are not yet one year into the marriage but I am fed up with it already. I’m sharing this story hoping someone would learn a lesson from my story. It was supposed to be a fling but I accepted to marry him because he got me pregnant. I didn’t know him that well, except that he was a man I slept with when I need gratification. There was no friendship or love between us. Pregnancy sent me into this marriage but pregnancy did not prevent my husband from acting like a jerk.
I don’t know what will happen next. He might change or he would continue being the Lord of memes on Snapchat instead of being the lord of the house where his wife and kid are. I don’t know where the wind would blow me tomorrow but currently I have chosen to ignore a lot of things because I don’t want to stress the baby. When she finally arrives, I will do my best to make her happy. I see a future where I’ll have to take care of her alone but I am not afraid. I am ready for it. I was ready for it even before e accepted to be part of my journey. I will journey through childbirth as though I’m alone and later see what may come out of all this.
