I wish I could say that my father obeyed the rules of polygamy, and treated all his three wives and their children equally, but I can’t. He invested his attention and resources into his favourite wife and neglected the rest of us. This is what made my mother walk away from him eventually. If he neglected us when they were together then their divorce worsened the situation. There was not a day that I would need anything for my father to provide it. It was always my mother who came through for me. Even now, my dad still doesn’t contribute anything toward my upkeep. When I complain he says, “You are twenty-one. It means you are an adult by all standards. So go out there and make life happen for you.”
Because of this, I had to work after I completed SHS. My mother couldn’t afford to pay for my tertiary education. She is only a trader who doesn’t earn much. So my plan was to work and save money to further my education. I gave my all to my job and due to that, my boss took a liking to me. I am her employee but she treats me the way she would her little sister. We were having a conversation one day when she asked me, “Jessica, you are such a smart girl. You work hard too so I believe you were a brilliant student. How come you didn’t further your education after high school?” My home situation isn’t something I am comfortable talking about so I tried to give her as little information as possible. But she was like a dog with a bone. “Did you fail any of your subjects? If that’s the case, I suggest you rewrite the exams so that you can go back to school.”
I saw that her concern for me was genuine so I told her the truth. “No, I didn’t fail my papers. I just don’t have financial support. That’s why I’m working to save money.” She asked a lot of questions about my family, and I told her everything. She was so touched that she asked me, “So if you have the opportunity to go back to school, what will you study? What do you want to do with your life? Where do you see yourself five years from now.” So again, I told her about my dreams and aspirations. Even the things I was too scared to admit I wanted to become, I shared with her. She then asked me to look into the school I would like to attend and buy the forms so that she will sponsor my education.
Imagine my surprise when she said that. I didn’t expect her to offer to do something like that. And the only thing she asked in return was that I work hard when I start school and make the best of the opportunity she has given me. Even before I gained admission to school I was always thanking her. I said it with words and showed her with my actions. I also prayed fervently that she wouldn’t change her mind or nothing would happen to ruin this opportunity for me. My mother too was very happy and always thankful. Now I have gained admission to a school I like, to study a program that I have always dreamt of studying. My boss has paid my admission fees and everything else I need to start school. So I’m just waiting for the date classes are supposed to start so that I can go on and achieve my dreams.
I am this close to having the life I want, but right now everything is shaking. What happened?
Just last year, a friend of mine who happens to be a pastor reached out to me. The moment he heard my voice he said, “Oh thank God, you are alive.” His statement stirred some concern in me so I asked, “Why? What were you expecting?” He answered, “I just woke up from a dream. In the dream, you tried to get rid of a pregnancy and died in the process. I was so scared because of how real it felt. I hope you are not planning on doing anything like that.” I wasn’t pregnant or likely to get pregnant so I wasn’t worried. I even assured him that nothing like that would happen. I forgot about that conversation entirely until three days ago when my father’s wife called me. She said, “Jessica, I had a dream about you last night. It wasn’t good. You were trying to get rid of pregnancy and died in the process. Please, be careful.”
At that point, I wondered, “Why did the two of them have such morbid dreams about me? I am not even pregnant.” The thought of that had me calculating my cycle. That was when I realized that my period delayed for this month. So yesterday I took a test, just to be sure that I was in the clear. It turned out that I was nowhere near the clear. I am pregnant. I am not sure that it’s even a month old. When I shared the news with my boyfriend he didn’t freak out as I did. This guy loves and adores me. He is the best man I could ever ask for. He is willing to do anything I need him to do to support me. I told him, “You know my boss is sponsoring my education. How will she take it if I tell her that I am pregnant? She put her faith in me and here I am, about to disappoint her. My mother will be equally disappointed. Let’s not forget how this pregnancy and a baby will derail my plans for the future. It looks like the best thing to do in this situation is to get rid of it.”
My boyfriend supports my decision. And though I believe that this is the best decision for me right now, I can’t shake off the fear that grips my heart when I think about doing it. My pastor friend’s warning and my stepmother’s warning all meet in my head and cripple me. This is why I am here today. I want to know if anyone here has ever been in my shoes. What did you do? What do you advise I do?
