It’s natural for parents to protect their children – regardless of whether the person they are protecting their kids from is a family member or not. Of course, most parents do not mean to offend anyone. While some people might not understand you, there’s no reason to feel guilty because you only want what’s best for your children at the end of the day. But how exactly does one deal with such instances if the person involved is part of the family?
A woman who remained anonymous shared in a column for Slate’s Care and Feeding back in 2019 how she dealt with her mother-in-law, who happens to be a heavy smoker.
At that time, Wallace’s mother-in-law was planning to visit her after she gave birth. But she felt worried about the welfare of her child, who might catch thirdhand smoke during her visit.
“I’m not worried about her smoking in front of my child, but after researching thirdhand smoke, I am very concerned about her holding the baby after she has had a cigarette,” she said.
So, she and her husband came up with an idea. “My husband and I have decided that after she smokes, she needs to shower and change her clothes before she can pick up the baby,” she said.
Then again, she felt anxious knowing she might make her grandmother feel like she was being excluded from the family.
“We don’t want my mother-in-law to feel ostracized, and we don’t want to hurt her feelings, but obviously, those are likely potential outcomes,” she said.
Then again, she felt anxious knowing she might make her grandmother feel like she was being excluded from the family.
“We don’t want my mother-in-law to feel ostracized, and we don’t want to hurt her feelings, but obviously, those are likely potential outcomes,” she said.
So, she asked for tips on how to set boundaries without making her feel like they didn’t want her there.
“How can we still be welcoming and let her know we are excited to have her around while still setting these boundaries? Also, how long should we remain this strict about the issue? How should we handle this when we are visiting my in-laws?” she asked.
But one user who responded to her post reassured her that she is within her rights as a mom to impose such rules. The user went on to stress the importance of making her mother-in-law feel welcomed and loved regardless of the situation.
While her mother-in-law might eventually get hurt, the user said it might eventually lead to her mother-in-law re-evaluating her smoking decisions.
“Her hurt feelings may interfere with her ability to hear it, but that’s fine. She can just deal with it. With any luck, this will spur her to take a second look at her relationship to smoking and maybe even cause her to let go of something that is clearly standing in the way of being with her grandbaby,” the user stated.
